Forgive and Forget

In March my parenting resolution was Forgive and Forget.  While this is good advice for life in general, I felt like it was something I could work on to make me a better parent.  Children are constantly pushing our buttons, making mistakes and challenging us.  They aren't intentionally doing these things, but as a result of their striving for independence and following their inner teacher they often do things that aren't exactly what we desire.

While training to become a Montessori teacher we learn that we must enter the classroom each morning almost as if it is our first day with the children in our class.  We have to let go of all the things that happened the day before and greet the children with love, trust and respect.  If we start the day thinking about something like a broken glass or a spilled pitcher of water, we might not be able to treat the children the same as if we let it go before entering.

Parenting is the same.  We can't be angry about things, even "naughty" things, that our children do and let those feelings guide our actions.  We have to wake each morning with a fresh perspective and give our children the benefit of the doubt.  Forgiveness doesn't mean excusing what someone has done, or accepting their actions, instead it allows us to move past the incident with an open mind and heart.
Forgiveness frees us to move on, and according to Christine Carter, author of Raising Happiness, it also makes us happier.  Forgiveness seems like a no brainer, but forgetting?  I am not so sure.

The second half of the old adage, forgive and forget, is the one I see a problem with.  While we do want to forgive our children their mistakes immediately we must not forget where they had the problem.  For instance, a child who colors with marker on the walls should not be given free range to markers, at least not for some time.  As parent or educators we forgive the behavior then we remember that it happened. We use this knowledge, gained from observing the child, to guide him in a direction that is appropriate for his needs at that moment.  The wall colorer may need to do some large motor movement, scrubbing a wall would be good.  Or he may need an opportunity to create something beautiful and colorful to hang on the wall.  Helping the child find a purposeful and appropriate expression of his desires requires us to remember the "misbehavior" while forgiveness allows us to respond with wisdom and love instead of anger.

For the month of April my parenting resolution will be Be a Mediator!

I love this!

This is a great reminder for the start of a new school year.  Print this, bookmark it, frame it, share it and LIVE it!

Thank you to Beautiful Sun Montessori!

Beautiful Sun Montessori: Meditation for teachers.: When I graduated from my training, in my diploma folder was a copy of the "Montessori's Ten Commandments". I framed it and put it over my...

What is Montessori?

Montessori is the last name of a woman named Maria Montessori(MM).  MM was the first female medical doctor in Italy.  She later became interested in educating the "uneducable" children (special needs children) of Rome.  During her work with these children she made many observations and noticed a universal pattern of development in children.  She also noticed that children go through, what she called, "Sensitive Periods".  Special times in their development where they have a heightened ablitly to learn a certain thing or acquire a certain skill.  For example, there is a sensitive period for language development during which children can learn many languages without effort and with perfect pronunciation.  She then developed materials to respond to these sensitive periods.  These materials allowed the children to learn through their manipulation of them.  The teacher, or guide as we call her/him, is then responsible for connecting the children to the materials with one on one lessons.  MM was able to help the "uneducable" children learn at or above the level of the "normal" children in the public schools.  Eventually she was able to use her new method to educate many "normal" children.  She began to train teachers all over the world in her method.  Her exact teacher training continues in Association Montessori International (AMI) training centers all over the world.  Teachers receive the AMI diploma, certifying them to teach in Montessori classrooms all over the world.
Some identifying characteristics of the Montessori Method of Education include:

• Mixed age groups 
• Three year cycle in one classroom
• Individual lessons, following the interest/development of each child
• Emphasis on independence in the child
• Child sized materials and furniture
• Self-correcting materials
• Real materials, made with wood, glass, metal
• Three hour work cycle each day

MM never called her method "The Montessori Method", if anything she referred to it as the children's method.  She felt that it was the children who showed her the way to educate them, the children learned spontaneously through manipulation of the materials.  She wrote many books to share her philosophy on educating and raising children. Some of my favorites are listed on my book list.

There is so much more to say about what Montessori is and means to me, but that is enough  for now.