My parenting resolution for February was to Avoid Nagging. I have talked about this topic before when I was working on the Positive Discipline tool One Word. I still use this tool when I remember or think it is appropriate and still find it to be an effective way to communicate needs, reminders, and rules when the child already knows what is expected and is capable of doing it.
In addition to using just one word to state my requests, I tried just not saying or even doing anything at all as one way to avoid nagging. I know that doesn't sound like very good parenting advice, but it was actually pretty effective in certain situations. Dinner time is the perfect example. My daughter does her homework at the dining room table while I cook dinner each night. When she is finished with her homework, she often plays with her little brother while I finish up dinner. When dinner is almost ready I start nagging my daughter to put her homework away, clear the table, set the table etc. This is not a pleasant experience for anyone in the house. I annoy myself! One day I decided not to say anything. I just finished up dinner, got out the plates and silver wear for setting the table and set them on the edge of the table and called everyone to come and eat. As soon as my daughter got to the table she said, "Oops, I forgot to put my homework away." She quickly cleaned it up while i got drinks for everyone. When she got back she set the table quickly and we all sat down and ate. I was thinking I would give this strategy a try and if it didn't work I would put the issue on the Family Meeting agenda. Turns out the issue was all mine. I wanted the homework cleaned up as soon as she was finished working on it. She wanted a break after school and homework. I had already expressed the need for the table to be cleared and set for dinner many times, as well as taken the time for training her how to do the job. When we got ready to eat and there was a mess at the table she didn't think twice about what needed to be done. She also didn't need me insulting her intelligence or humiliating her in front of everyone else by nagging her about it.
I did catch my self nagging in a few other situations, and just being mindful of it made it easy to stop myself and seek a better solution. All in all I would say this resolution was a success and another one that I hope to continue as we move on into the next month. For March my parenting resolution will be Forgive and Forget!
Showing posts with label Resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Resolutions. Show all posts
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Speak Softly
We have come to the end of our first month of 2013. How are all your resolutions coming? So far, so good here!
My parenting resolution this month was Speak Softly. By that I meant that I would not only try to keep my voice quiet, avoid yelling, but also to keep my words soft, by avoiding negative or hurtful words. Children are so sensitive, even the slightest sharp word aimed at a child can be very hurtful. This resolution required me to think or pause before responding to my children. This is easier at some times than others. When, for example, my toddler is dipping his fingers into the gross sludge in the bottom of the dirty dishwasher and then tasting them, it is very hard to pause and then respond calmly, and quietly. Needless to say there were a few days that I didn't feel I could check of this resolution during my nightly resolution assessment. But for the most part this resolution worked.
It is amazing how we can model self-control with our children to teach them to control themselves. When our children see us flip our lids, not only do they often feel very scared, but this teaches them that shouting and loosing control is an appropriate response to anger or stressful situations. When we instead remain calm, we teach self-control and show respect to our children. Sometimes speaking softly meant that I would simply walk away, calm down, and then return to the situation to deal with it more calmly. Other times it meant just letting go, choosing my battles. To my surprise, my children were able to resolve problems on their own, and learn from their experiences without my involvement at all. If I had intervened, especially with anger, I am sure the results would not have been as good.
The biggest surprise for me was how effective just using a calm and quiet tone of voice can be. Even when I was angry or upset with my children, when I kept my voice calm and talked to them softly, I could feel myself calm down much more quickly than if I had yelled and screamed at them.
All in all, this is a resolution that I hope to continue forever. When I spoke softly, I felt like I was being a better parent, I am pretty sure my children appreciated it and they responded by speaking more softly themselves, and I felt like I had an overall sense of peace. In keeping with this idea of what I say to my children, next month my parenting resolution will be to Avoid Nagging!
My parenting resolution this month was Speak Softly. By that I meant that I would not only try to keep my voice quiet, avoid yelling, but also to keep my words soft, by avoiding negative or hurtful words. Children are so sensitive, even the slightest sharp word aimed at a child can be very hurtful. This resolution required me to think or pause before responding to my children. This is easier at some times than others. When, for example, my toddler is dipping his fingers into the gross sludge in the bottom of the dirty dishwasher and then tasting them, it is very hard to pause and then respond calmly, and quietly. Needless to say there were a few days that I didn't feel I could check of this resolution during my nightly resolution assessment. But for the most part this resolution worked.
It is amazing how we can model self-control with our children to teach them to control themselves. When our children see us flip our lids, not only do they often feel very scared, but this teaches them that shouting and loosing control is an appropriate response to anger or stressful situations. When we instead remain calm, we teach self-control and show respect to our children. Sometimes speaking softly meant that I would simply walk away, calm down, and then return to the situation to deal with it more calmly. Other times it meant just letting go, choosing my battles. To my surprise, my children were able to resolve problems on their own, and learn from their experiences without my involvement at all. If I had intervened, especially with anger, I am sure the results would not have been as good.
The biggest surprise for me was how effective just using a calm and quiet tone of voice can be. Even when I was angry or upset with my children, when I kept my voice calm and talked to them softly, I could feel myself calm down much more quickly than if I had yelled and screamed at them.
All in all, this is a resolution that I hope to continue forever. When I spoke softly, I felt like I was being a better parent, I am pretty sure my children appreciated it and they responded by speaking more softly themselves, and I felt like I had an overall sense of peace. In keeping with this idea of what I say to my children, next month my parenting resolution will be to Avoid Nagging!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Resolutions
It seams everyone is making compartmental resolutions this year. I found myself doing it after reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I picked six areas of my life that I will focus on and then pick one specific resolution to work on in each category each month. They will mostly be simple, achievable things that I feel will make myself and the people around me happier or healthier. I have to say healthier, because cutting refined sugar out of our diet this month has not made for very many happy remarks!
One of my areas of focus is Parenting. I will be focusing on one resolution each month that I feel will make me a better parent. Like all the others, these will be fairly easy to do, yet still very impactful. Each month I will share my resolutions and how they are working out. I have taken my ideas from books I have read, other parenting blogs, and my past experiences. Here is my list:
- Speak Softly
- Forgive AND Forget
- Act - Don't React
- Pick My Battles
- Take Care Of Me Too!
- Slow Down
- Play Together
- Create Together
- Avoid Nagging
- Do New Things Together
- Accentuate The Positive
- Give Them My Full Attention
There it is. I will blog about each resolution in detail while I am working on it. Feel free to join me on this journey to being a better parent.
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