Parents/teachers and children work together to develop a plan for reaching a goal. That goal may be to get chores or home work done or to stop hitting a sibling. Really it can be any issue that needs a solution. Once a mutually agreed upon plan is constructed, parents/teachers must be very consistent to do what they have said they would do. In the Parenting with Positive Discipline Training, there is an experiential activity, as this is the way all the skills are taught to parents/teachers, to teach this idea of following through. The "Parent" tells the two young "siblings" that he/she can't safely drive if they are fighting in the back seat. He/she explains that she will bring a book in the car, and the next time they have something they have to fight about, he/she will simply pull the car over to the side of the road and read his/her book until they are finished. He/she will know they are finished when they are quiet and calmly tell him/her they are ready to continue the trip. They all act out the scenario with the "siblings" seated n chairs behind the "parent's" chair. When they begin fighting the "parent" pulls the "car" over by moving his/her chair to the right, and the "children" follow. The "parent" then takes out the book and reads. Eventually the dueling "siblings" realize they are never going to get where they are going, so they agree to calm down and tell the "parent" they are ready. The "parent" never acts angry or raises his/her voice. He/she simply follows through with the plan to adress the issue, and will repeat the same strategy any time needed. To help the children succeed, the "parent" will remind the "children" before car trips of the plan. As you can see there are simple ideas that work very well and don't require that anyone feels bad.
Some other important skills that are taught with this method are:
- Using encouragement instead of praise
- Being kind and firm at the same time, not permissive or punitive
- Looking for the belief behind the behavior - "why is this undesired behavior occurring?"
I hope that I have shared enough to a least peak your interest in this program. Positive Discipline training for parents and teachers is a truly life changing experience. I highly recommend it to anyone who works, lives or interacts with children, or adults for that matter. It is really just a treasure chest of skills for respectful communication and conflict resolution!